In the last post, we talked about what a “tweener” is and why this is such a challenging phase for kids and parents alike. Now we will discuss the practical ways that parents can use this stage to nurture the basis for healthy and happy teen years. The truth is that much of what you do as a parent now will greatly affect how you child survives his time in high school. This is the time to lay the groundwork for that important time of life by working with you child to help him understand who he is and fostering the relationship between the two of you.

According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), children are less likely to use alcohol as teens if their parents begin laying groundwork when the kids are ten or eleven. This means to communicate with your child daily, let them know what the expectations are for them, and practice good supervision and consistent discipline. In other words, don’t slack with your tweener and you will enjoy your teenager all the more.

Still not convinced? Research done at the Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University shows that “hands on” parenting will keep teens away from negative behaviors like drinking, smoking and using drugs. To be a “hands on” parent, you must monitor the time your child spends in front of the television and computer. Beware of the many images that you child may see telling him that sex in the teen years is okay and that “everybody” is drinking and smoking. You also need to know where your child is at night and on the weekends, and set a curfew to ensure that you child is home at a reasonable time every night. Know where your kid is at in school, and encourage him to keep his grades up. Finally, eat dinner with your kids, and this does not mean in front of the television set. Dinnertime is a great time to talk about the dangers of drugs and alcohol too, so that your child will be prepared for the inevitable peer pressure that is to come.

It may sound like a lot of work, and you may be thinking that your child is not going to like you getting in his face and asking too many questions about where he’s going, what he’s doing and who he’s doing it with! Of course he won’t! But you are the parent, and nobody ever said that job was going to be easy. It will, however, be worthwhile if you end up with a teenager that succeeds in school and in life. Stick with him through the rocky years – he needs you to more than he even knows.

It won’t be easy. You can help yourself by finding other parents that are going through a similar phase of life. Try to find those that share your parenting philosophies and values. Look for potential comrades in battle within your neighborhood, at your child’s school or through a church or other place of worship. Knowing that you are not alone in your struggles with your tweener will help more than you can imagine.

You can also build a good knowledge base about your child at various phases of life by reading books, attending seminars and talking to other parents who have already been through the phase that you are currently in the throes of. Knowledge is indeed power, and you can use all the power you can get when going head to head with an independent tweener!

While your instinct may be to back off of your child during the tween years, your kid needs you more than ever now. Make sure that the two of you spend plenty of quality time together, so that you have the opportunity to instill the values into your child that you think are most important. Enjoy the time as much as possible, because the teen years are coming! Hang on tight, and enjoy the ride.